In Which Love Is Discussed With Some Detachment

Lady Winifred Fleem to Sir Bardolph Hingle:

Dear Dolph,

I only have time for a quick note today, since the queen came back last night and we are all at sixes and sevens. But I couldn’t possibly let your birthday go by without wishing you many happy returns of the day. You are not only a dear friend to me, but a valuable ally to the nation – I can tell you that we have investigated your suspicions of a few weeks ago, and they have proven to be justified. The king and queen are making ready for what could be a serious conflict, and though I cannot tell you more, I should like to tell you to take the greatest possible care in your travels, and to assure you that I will do the same.

But all that is by the way. The point is, it is your birthday, and while I can’t be there to celebrate it with you, I will have you in my heart as I so often do these days. I have enjoyed court life very much – more than most people, you might say – but I have been finding myself less fulfilled by the procession of energetic young bodies than I was by one mellow and humorous middle-aged mind. It must be something special about you, Dolph darling, since I refuse to believe that I am growing old.

Yours,
Winnie

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From the diary of Dulcie, Crown Princess of Bentlefay:

Mistress Legrand came in today for her quarterly reading of my marriage chances. Mother and Father are very firm about not letting their own fortunes be read – Father says he has no interest in how he is going to die, and say what you like about primogeniture, it has a built-in continuity plan – but even Mother admits to a burning curiosity as to whether and when I will develop affections like everyone else.

So while Mistress Legrand is officially here for the entertainment of the staff, Ellen always brings her to the solar at the end, and while Mother and Father are officially indifferent to the outcome, they appear with such alacrity within seconds of the end of a reading that I would almost suspect them of listening at the door.

Mistress Legrand is a short, round middle-aged woman who ought to have a great deal of bustle, but she always looks weary when I see her.

“Well,” she said ungraciously, plumping herself down on the settee, “shall we get this over with?”

She has always declared my romantic future to be obscured by mist, which sounds better than saying I defeat her. I believe it is a blow to her professional pride. Father once worried that it meant I would die young, which would be a great blow since he has no other heir, aside from actually being quite fond of me. But Mistress Legrand said no, she could see me as an old woman with heirs, she just couldn’t tell him how I got there. Personally, if only I could just sprout heirs without the irritating formality of wooing, I would be just as happy.

But this time it went a little differently, to everyone’s surprise – not least Mistress Legrand’s herself. She doesn’t use a crystal or a water urn or anything, so we just drew the curtains to make the solar dark, and she stared pensively at the middle of my forehead for a moment.

Without warning, and much sooner than usual, she blinked suddenly and exclaimed “Oh! Well. I never would have thought of that.”

“You see someone?” Ellen demanded eagerly.

“Not to say someone,” said Mistress Legrand cautiously. “More of a situation.” She wrinkled her brow. “Which doesn’t make any sense.” She pondered again briefly, and shrugged her shoulders. “Oh, well.”

Bustling over to draw the curtains, she looked more cheerful than I had ever seen her. But before I could ask her any questions, Father and Mother appeared.

“Well, did you discover anything?” they asked in unison, and while Mother had the tact to pause politely for an answer, Father swept ahead with “Well, well, no matter. I’m sure you did the best you could.”

“But she did see something,” Ellen chirped tactlessly. “She won’t tell us what it was.”

Mistress Legrand gave her a dirty look and then swept a curtsy. “Your majesties, of course I would be happy to give you any actual information, but alas,” she said through her teeth, “I have only images. Sunshine, strange fruits – a foreign land, I think. There are a few faces, but I can’t be certain.”

“Well, if the bugger thinks he’s going to drag Dulcie off to the end of the earth he’s got another think coming,” Father began belligerently, already prepared to loathe the fellow. “She’s got a kingdom to run right here.”

Mistress Legrand threw up her hands. “You see, that is why I keep silent. It is not clear. It is never clear.”

Mother put on her brightest social smile. “Never mind, Mistress, we are always grateful. Shall you stay for dinner? I will put you on the king’s left hand.”

Father brightened, and Mistress Legrand gave him a look of deep apprehension. “No, no, your majesty, I have a … pressing appointment. I am desolated, of course,” she added unconvincingly, and bustled out of the room.

“There, darling, you frightened the poor woman off,” Mother said reproachfully. “Now, come on, it’s time to change for the receiving.”

They left, with Ellen twittering after them to gossip to the court, and I quirked an eyebrow at Lynde.

“I’d have thought she’d come up with a better story,” I said, prepared to make a joke of it, and was surprised to see her shake her head.

“It was no story,” she said seriously. “The sort of magic you do with your mind is very real. It’s the charms and potions you have to be wary of.”

“Really? I’d always thought the opposite.”

“Well, in my experience. The Dumcruckles can talk to animals, you know; it runs in the direct line. I’ve seen them do it. But I’ve never had a potion make me beautiful, and believe me, I’ve tried.”

I laughed. “You don’t need a potion for that.”

I always consider it a point to me when I make Lynde blush. She went on hurriedly.

“Generally, too, if someone doesn’t use props and stagecraft and such, you can likely respect them. Mistress Legrand doesn’t, I notice. Oh yes, it’s real.”

“You mean I really shall marry someone in a foreign land?” I wasn’t sure I liked the idea.

“I can’t imagine it will be as straightforward as that,” Lynde answered, and evidently thought it sounded harsh because she added with an air of apology “…in my experience of such matters, at least.”

She stood up and cleared her throat with an air of finality. “Shall we make ready for the receiving?”

And there the matter lay.

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